Monday, March 14, 2011

motherhood

I've been hesitant to post about thoughts on motherhood for a couple of reasons. First of all, there are no words that could do this subject justice. It's indescribable. Secondly, I've been reluctant to share my weaknesses and discuss the difficult part of having a newborn for fear it may come off as complaining, and after all that we've been through and the way we've been blessed I certainly can't complain. So I'm going to try to share my thoughts without putting a damper on the most beautiful job on the planet ... being a mother.  

1) Babies cry. Shocker, I know! My baby cries, and sometimes I can't console him. I feel guilty when I can't calm him. I think that's a natural feeling, but I freak out a bit. Some moms cry with their babies.  I tend to get angry instead.  Not angry with Preston, but angry with myself (because I'm not meeting his needs at the time) and angry at the situation. I freak out because I'm afraid it can be hard on his heart for him to cry (sometimes it stinks to be a health care provider in these situations). The good news is that Preston is now on two medications for reflux and he seems to be a more peaceful baby. Nope, we don't have the happiest baby on the block and that was hard to swallow at first.

2) I miss uninterrupted sleep. I never considered myself one to need sleep and I'm not a napper, but I miss sleeping. Just to be clear ... it's not that I'm shocked that I don't get sleep (I knew to expect this with a newborn) ...  it's just that I'm so surprised I miss it this much. My Words with Friends and/or Angry Birds addiction may play a role in these sleepless nights also.

3) A baby is never too young to fight his/her sleep.


4) It's easy to spend hours just simply staring and watching my baby ... getting lost in those big brown eyes, staring at those eyelashes, memorizing every crease, watching his chest rise and fall.

5) I'm not sure I remember how to fix my hair.  Hello, ponytail for 9 weeks now!  I certainly don't remember how to apply make-up anymore. Heck, sometimes it's noon before I remember to brush my grill.

6) I need more help than I thought would. I tend to be the it's-easier-to-do-it-myself-than-ask-and-then-explain-it-to-someone-else type person. I think they call it delegating and historically I suck at it, but I'm getting better as I've realized that I only have two hands and that they're not joking when they say it takes a village to raise a child. So I'm asking for help more. And since we're on the subject...

Thank you to my Mr. for letting me whisper (although it's really not a whisper at all but more like a cry for help) his name and wake him up when I need help during Preston's middle-of-the-night feeding.  Preston's not the best nurser but still he gets exclusively breast milk which means I'm tied to my breast pump. With Dad of the Year (aka Mr. Gherkin) so graciously giving P his bottle in the middle of the night I am able to pump and we are all three back to sleep in 20 minutes (usually).


7) Lastly, being a mother isn't the easiest job in the world but it's so unbelievably rewarding. We've decided that I will return to work at the end of my maternity leave. My posts may be few and far between or just short and sweet over the next few weeks as I soak up the rest of this special time with my little man.

19 comments:

Kate said...

My son, Trace, is 4 months old and he's a reflux baby too. It is the absolute worst feeling in the world when you can't get him to calm down. Mom Guilt sucks!! I'm glad Preston is starting to do better on medicine. I promise the sleep does get better! :)

Handbags*N*Pigtails said...

Being a mommy is the hardest job in the world but its also the most rewarding job ever! And you think it'll get easier as they get older but that just means there will be different kinds of struggle along the way. But its all worth it.
Enjoy every precious moment with that handsome little man!:)
XO,
Sarah

Shannon said...

Awww, Tiffanie! This was a sweet sweet post. I did one like this months after GG was born too!

It is the best, I agree, and the toughest! But you're so right, I don't think any of us would trade it for anything in the world!

Happy Monday!
XO

Missy said...

Could not have said it better!!Being a mom is so amazing and Preston is so lucky to have you as his!

Cheryl E. said...

What a great post and you can tell it comes from the heart. Motherhood is hard and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job!

Lisa Johnson said...

You are so right! Motherhood is the hardest, but also the best job in the world. Crying, sleeping, eating - all things we knew babies did, but you really don't KNOW until you have your own baby and sometimes it comes as a shock when things aren't as easy as you had anticipated. You and Preston are so lucky to have each other. :) Love the pic of him in the bjorn on your chest. So, so, so sweet.

Tiffany said...

Such a great post! I think we all have to be real sometimes, but it is definitely tricky to not sound like we're complaining. I catch myself hesitating sometimes before I do a post, afraid that people will think I'm being unnecessarily negative about my life or that I am ungrateful in general. Thanks for sharing this! :)

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Jessica said...

Tiffanie, What a wonderful post!
I have nothing to contribute, because I am not a mother. However, my better half & I have been discussing children a lot here lately and this post was soothing, because It seems a bit scarey for me.
Prestons eyelashes were breath taking. :) He's beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Well said :)

Isabella's Mommy.... said...

Motherhood is the most amazing thing in the world, but is also the hardest journey you'll ever be on. I struggle with trying to be the 'best' mother in the world and do it all myself. I don't know why we think that asking for help makes us any less of a mother. I still don't know how I made it through that first year, but I did and it was amazing!! I would do all of it over again in a heartbeat! Working & breastfeeding exclusively is hard, but I was determined to do it and did it until my little one was 17 months old. I thought if I couldn't be with her all day, every day, I had to do this for her. It was hard, but well worth it, every bit of it. One day you'll look back and be amazed with yourself for how you made it through - cause you will make it through & you'll miss every minute of it when it's over. . . enjoy!!

Happiness Is... said...

I relate to everything you said. I have cried with Thatcher and emailed the husband out of desperation trying to figure it out. I, too, try to do it all alone and it just isn't possible. I can make sandwiches and do a few things one-handed now, but it isn't easy! And, I know what you mean about not wanting to seem like you're complaining - sometimes when I am in the shower I have a chat with the one above and tell Him that Thatcher is wanted, loved and that I will do a better job of just being thankful for it all....but I am still working on it b/c some days are just so so hard.

aggie said...

This post brought a tear to my eye, and not because I think this post is crazy...on the contrary! As a mom, I feel inadequate all the time. I feel like I don't spend enough time with my Arianna or that I don't buy her enough or that I don't teach her enough. This happens all the time and there are times (ok, a lot of times) that I get angry and I too find myself complaining (or crying...seems to go together sometimes). I realize that this is the hardest and most rewarding thing that I have to do and be in my life, and I must embrace the complexity of my life.

I now have a 2 year old and am experiencing a whole new set of challenges (the word NO seems to be resonnating loudly right now), and again my insecurites begin to flare. But I remind myself that I am a good mom even if everything isn't perfect.

New challenges will arrive Tiffany and that is why having other mommy friends makes this journey a little easier!

Ryan and Jessica DeWitt said...

Friend of Breann here...
It's like you took words from my mouth, my head, and my heart. I'm sure Breann has told you that you are not alone... but I'd like to remind you.
There's a severe motherhood learning curve that we all somehow didn't get the memo about
good luck and much love for your precious preston

Laura@Cowboy Boots said...

i think i could have written #1-6...odd how it makes me feel better to know i'm not alone!

wish i could do the pony thing...but lily freaks when she sees my hair pulled back or up. so i have nasty hair hanging down! haha

dg darling said...

Hang in there hon! It will get easier!!! I used to sit on the floor in the middle of the night and sob with my babies out of frustration and exhaustion! No matter how much you want a baby and how hard you have to work to get them here (and make sure the survive!) it's hard stuff and no one (with common sense) should criticize you for complaining. Just because it is not all unicorns and roses does not mean that we think you love that baby any less or don't appreciate his little soul being here!

P.S. Have you tried Gripe Water? It cures hiccups almost instantly and seemed to help my colicky babies too!

dg darling said...

Oh and I TOTALLY get the reflux thing! All 3 of mine had it to the point of pretty impressive projectile vomiting! I got SO SICK of me and the baby smelling like vomit and their cute little outfits always being soaked in spit up!!!

cailen ascher said...

great post. so honest and truthful! it's refreshing to hear people share their real life experiences : )

Kristin said...

I LOVE this post! I felt/feel the exact same way!!!! It is hard, but it is like you really don't want to talk about how hard it is because it is so amazing at the same time. I remember those crying times too especially around 7 or 8pm. Hang in there ...they will stop!

Words with friends screenname= krchecks if you are looking for another game because I am also obsessed.

:)

Michaela said...

What a sweet post (: I love your blog, it's darling! So glad to have found you!