Friday, January 6, 2012

what's on my mind: 1 year post open heart surgery.


I can't stop thinking about this past year, the miracle I witnessed, the many ways I've changed, and the way the Lord used our situation to strengthen me.

One year ago today they took our baby from us, wheeled him into the OR, stopped his broken heart, and fixed it.  Today, one year later, I woke up with my baby next to me, spent some extra time snuggling with him in bed, then listened to him say "mama," "dada," and "Yar-ter (for our dog, Carter)," as he cruised around the kitchen.

I remember sitting in an office looking out over the Texas Medical Center when the cardiologist told me there had been a mistake about Preston's diagnosis and that the new and correct diagnosis had a much more grim picture that the first.  I remember hearing her say "We've never seen this condition before."  I remember her confirming my worst fear when she answered "No, we've never fixed this condition before."  I freaked.  I hyperventilated.  Try being five months pregnant and sticking your head in between your legs to keep from fainting.  Not fun, but that's what I did. 

In the midst of all that hype, I had an unusual and unexpected peace though. The thought (from the holy spirit, the Lord, my brain, defense mechanisms kicking in, who knows) occurred to me that possibly, just possibly, that this could be a door opening to cure Preston's heart defect. I remember telling Mr. Gherkin as we drove away that I felt like the new development could be a way for God to cure Preston's heart condition.  I think maybe I told my aunt, but I don't think I ever shared that with anyone else. 

Source: etsy.com via Tiffanie on Pinterest


It's all so surreal now. The doctors at TCH fixed his heart. He was their first as they'd never seen or fixed this defect before. They know how to diagnose and treat other kids that present with the same condition now at Texas Children's.  Hallelujah!

The cardiologist used the word "cure" when we saw her in November.  She thinks Preston just may be cured.  I pray that proves to be the case as he gets older.  So that gut feeling I had that one day I mentioned above may actually be coming true.  She even mentioned him playing sports one day. I spit my coffee out. "Play what," I asked.  I am quite alright just being his caddy. Not sure I can stand the thought of my baby being tackled or line drives being hit his way. Oh the joys of being a boy mom.

All that being said, I can now say ... 

I believe in miracles.
 I believe in living by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).
I believe that believing allows us to see the glory of God (John 11:40).
I believe in modern medicine.
I also believe in postpartum depression now (although my doctor didn't call it that I will say that postpartum hormones do C-R-A-Z-Y things to a woman's body. Trust me, and don't judge).
 I also believe that everything happens for a reason.
I believe that God is the Great Physician.
I believe even that much more in Heaven (something about almost sending your baby there that makes it much more real).
I believe (although I'm not perfect at it) in cherishing every.single.day because we don't know what will happen tomorrow (James 4:14).

I have such a grateful heart this morning, and of course I'm still in complete admiration for the doctors and nurses at Texas Children's for taking such wonderful care of Preston (and me) one year ago.  Grateful for friends and family who were there for us when our strength failed us.  Of course, I'm utterly in love with the little blessing running around my house this morning calling me mama.

21 comments:

Missy said...

Wonderful post! It has been an amazing year! You are so blessed to have Preston, and he is so blessed to have you and T! Love you!

Kelsey said...

this was such a wonderful heartfelt post! So glad that we get to see updates about Preston all the time, thanks to those doctors and for his parents that trusted and believed!

Meagan @ The Clanahan Fam said...

Loved loved this post. What a miracle he is and what a strong mommy and daddy Preston was blessed with. God is still in the miracle making business - we know that for sure. Much love to you all! We'll celebrate with a glass of Colby red next week :)

Shae said...

Awesome post! So glad Mr. P is here to run around & call you mama!! :)

Andrea @ Decorating Cents said...

Got a little teary. God truly gives us blessings.

Happiness Is... said...

Such a sweet post, as always. While I hate that you all had to endure such a storm in your lives, please know that it does give renewed hope and strength to others - such a testament of hope, faith, belief and what happens when we give Him all the glory. I am sure there are many people who read but never comment and take something away from your story. And then there are some of us who probably tell you every day that we are inspired by you, but I don't think I could say that enough - even though I don't "know" you, your story is very touching and the way you tell it is even more beautiful.

kristyo15 said...

Hey, thanks for the tears at my computer in class. :) Thanks for letting me be a part of making memories for that little miracle. Something I'll hold near and dear for a long time. See y'all tomorrow afternoon!

Traci said...

So amazing! I truly don't know how people without faith make it through life. How can anyone reading just this one example of God's work not believe???

♥Jess said...

Hallelujah, Indeed! GOD works his miracles & Preston is one of them♥

Jenna@The Life of the Wife said...

What a beautiful post! That must have been so hard to go through! I love that quote, though.

Thanks for sharing!
Jenna
www.thelifeofthewife.blogspot.com

Lenzi @ Homemade Happiness said...

Beautifully beautifully said! So glad you have your sweet boy there to love on :)

taeandashleypark said...

Amazing post and what a sweet, sweet boy. I was definitely moved to tears thinking about what an inspiration you are to other moms dealing with things like this and just a reminder to all of us of what an amazing provider God is!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

This made me tear up!

The big man worked his magic and I know you will forever be greatful. You literally have a miracle on your hands everyday.

Mrs. Pretty said...

Amen - wow! What a story, what a year, what blessings.

aggie said...

I can't begin to understand the weight on your heart one year ago today, but after baby girl's surgey, I now can at least understand the feeling you had watching and waiting while Preston was being helped and healed by the touch of another's hands.

From the moment you told me about Preston, I knew that he would be fine...I just felt it in my spirit! God loves that little boy and has great things planned for him. Because of Preston other babies will be saved. Because of Preston so many people witnessed what the power of prayer can do. Because of Preston the faith of all of us watching grew greater. How amazing what a little life has been able to do in 1 year!

Brooke said...

Beautifully written! Oh, we might have to suffer through football one day too - we do live in Texas after all.

Jenn Smith said...

Oh Tiff- you brought me to tears reading this, Just another reminder that GOD is still performing miracles. It has been so sweet to read and watch Preston grow this year! Thank you for being real and transparent through your journey!

Sarah @Newlywed and Decorating said...

I always get so happy when you post about how well Preston is doing! It weighed so heavily on me to pray for him a year ago and I am so happy everything turned out well! He is such a cutie!

A Big Little Life said...

I love this. You are absolutely stronger because of this experience. And absolutely blessed by that sweet boy.

Stefenie said...

Wonderful post. It's amaizing how one broken heart can completely change our life for the better.

Anonymous said...

Tiff,

You need to explain how God worked in your's/Preston's life in the elevator the day after we met with the surgeon. GOD is Good all the time!!!!

KK