Tuesday, April 17, 2012

don't make me count to three: a book review.

I read this book by Ginger Plowman ....

Now I'm writing a post about it.  Why?  so i can remember what I read and the key points that I carried away from the words in the book.  

consider this my very casual (hence the all lowercase and poor punctuation) book review that I can have documented on my blog so I can have easy access to it whenever.  feel free to read along if you desire.

I'm not trying to spark any type of debate or offer my advice.  This is just my review of the book and the key points that I would simply like to remember as I grow as a mother.

1. thanks to Adam and Eve, all children are born sinners.  Sad!
2. we as parents are responsible for teaching our children right from wrong and sin from righteousness.
3. we must get to the heart of the matter.  I think this may prove to be one of the most difficult aspects of parenting.  If my child is acting out then it's my job to figure out why?  In other words what is he feeling in his heart.  The author said that our heart determines our behavior and that all behavoris are linked to a particular attitude of the heart.  Ex. Did he bite me because he was angry or embarrassed? 

4.  furthermore, after we figure out what's going on in our child's heart we should then determine and/or teach our children whether or not what's in their heart is righteous and pleasing.  this is where knowing the Bible is going to prove beneficial.  guess I better get to reading more. 
5. verse for fighting amongst siblings ... Proverbs 6:19
6. Matthew 18, specifically 18:15, teaches us just how God feels about "tattletales" and how to encourage siblings to work out problems on their own without running to mom all the time. 

7. author suggests role playing and that role playing can be an extremely effective in training children how to put what they've learning into practice.
8.  Just when I'm feeling overwhelmed and thinking what have I got myself into with this whole parenting thing, the author shares Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Definitely highlighted that verse in my Bible.

9. Proverbs 29:15 talks about the "rod and reproof."  Now once again I'm not trying to start a debate, and I'm not trying to say whether spanking is right or wrong.   The reproof is the part that involves the tongue and the use of the tongue to teach our kiddos and righteously train them.  To drive home the use of the training part and truly what's more important in my opinion the author says, "You can spank the fool out of the child, but you can't spank wisdom into him."  Do not use the rod without reproof.  Ephesians 6:4 suggests that using the rod without reproof will provoke our children to anger.

10. It's so important to not only tell my child what's wrong with his/her behavior but also how he/she can make it right.  In fact, they encourage biblical discipline which, according to the author, is "practicing right behavior, with the right attitude, for the right reason, until the right behavior becomes habitual."

11. "Each time your child fails, don't view it as a hopeless tragedy. Remember that it would be unnatural for your child not to sin because, after all, he is a sinner." THIS IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER ESPECIALLY SINCE THAT MOMMY GUILT and that I'M A TERRIBLE MOTHER FEELING CAN SURFACE SO EASILY.   I'm not perfect and neither are they.

12. Ephesians 6:1-3

13. Love the signal the author's kiddos use when they need to tell her something when she is in a conversation with another person.  Instead of interrupting they will place their hand on her leg or her arm.  She covers it with her hand to acknowledge they need to speak with her, and as soon as she's done or there's a pause she will give her attention to the child.

14.  Choose the right time and the right place for discipline and avoid embarrassing your child.  Matt 18:15.
15. The difference between scolding and disciplining lies in the tone of voice.  Scolding suggests boisterous speech and anger.  Walk away when angry... cool down... then righteously discipline.
16. I like how the author constantly uses the "I love you too much/so much that I must {insert punishment} so you will {insert goal}."   Ex. I love you too much to let you lie, or steal, or eat dog food (ha!).   Sounds much more positive than "I'm angry or disappointed in you now go to your room."

17.  Be consistent in disciplining.
18. Encourage/require instant obedience.  "Delayed obedience is disobedience."
19.  Be mindful of the small acts of disobedience.  She compared these small acts to weeds --- if I leave them alone they will soon be great and deeply rooted.

20.  Don't have a teapot temper.
21. Proverbs 22:15 -- the rod
22. Pray for the kids.  "Being a perfect parent doesn't matter. Being a praying parent does."--Stormie Omartian

Overall, I think the book was a great read.  A few points really hit home and made me really think about myself and my heart. Funny how I'm reading a book about training my kid and wound up applying some of the suggestions to my own self.

There are some points in the book that I don't completely see eye to eye with, but as I mentioned they are merely suggestions because there is certainly a lot of grey area when it comes to training children. Certainly no black and white, which is why I've documented all these suggestions on this blog for easy reference in the future.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time.  Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Hebrews 12:11

"You reap what you sow, you reap later than you sow, and you reap more than you sow."


Perfectly Imperfect said...

very well written review. i've actually been looking for a good book on discipline and helping her grow in a Godly way. will definitely look for this one.

Shae said...

Awesome review! I like what you took from the book. These are all ideas/suggestions that should make us all, as parents, think more.
I have definitely copied, pasted, & printed your review so I can look back on it, and these verses, too.
Thanks! I had never even heard of this book until now. :)

Jillian Vanover said...

Thanks for this! I'm certainly a sponge when it comes to finding scripture-centered ways to train our little ones! I will definitely look for this! :)

Jillian Vanover said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Happiness Is... said...

Adding this to my list to read!

You might enjoy this article: http://paultripp.com/parenting-never-interruption