Tuesday, April 24, 2012

what's on my mind: hindsight is always 20/20.

So if twenty years ago you told me that I'd be where I am today I wouldn't believe it.  I'm sure we all feel like that is some/all aspects of our present day and age

When my mom died in 1992 if you'd told me that despite losing my mom I'd gain a number of women who would step in and love me unconditionally to help me become the woman I am today, I wouldn't have believed you.  Although no one could ever come close to replacing my mom, the women who gathered around me from 1992 to present (KK, Nana, MawMaw, Anita, Laurelle just to name a few) took me, led me, and loved me through some of my most vulnerable years in life.

So when I surrendered to the ministry when I was 17, I thought I'd probably marry a preacher.  Ha!  I didn't marry a preacher (probably some of you who know Mr. Gherkin just spit your coffee out), but here I am fifteen years later writing about my faith and sharing a testament of God's faithfulness on a little place in the blogosphere called Pineapples and Pickles. 

If you'd told me then that I would one day have to put total faith in God and trust that my firstborn would live, I'd laughed in your face.  One, probably because I thought I was invincible back then and two, because it's very likely I had no concept of that kind of faith back then.

If our friends, Lloyd and Liz, had told us when they invited us to Sunday School a few years ago that those people in the class would help us and love us through the most difficult time in our lives, I wouldn't have believed them.  It happened though.  We met complete strangers who are now very precious to our family and a church family that we simply couldn't live without.

I saw a quote recently that said "God's no is not rejection.  It's redirection."  It made me think back on some of the turning points in my life. I find it's true, and that our faith during trials and tribulations really just prepare us to really appreciate our promotion when it happens.  I'm thankful that He's always provided although it's not always when or how I thought He would provide. 

So here I am now...
 a 30-something year old adult (even though oddly enough I don't often feel like an adult most of the times).
a mom to a child that the doctors told me I could abort because things looked grim (but God never ever allowed for that to be a choice)
realizing that I'm stronger today because of my yesterdays
and although I'm not proud of all my yesterdays (because I'm crazily imperfect),
I'm thankful for each and every yesterday,
each and every door closed,
and each and every window that's opened or will open.


Mrs. Mama said...

what a beautiful post. so well written and really makes you think... God has a plan for us in all aspects of our life. Sometimes we just have to be patient and believe.

Missy said...

Love this post and I love you!!!

Breann said...

Awesome post! Love you and we really need to have dinner SOON!

Erin said...

Today, I needed a boost in faith. This is such a wonderful post. Hope you have a lovely day full of faith :)

Brandie Brown said...

Thank you for this post. I needed it:)

Kristen said...

Have you ever read the book 1000 gifts? (It's an amazing book if you haven't) In it there's a phrase that I have grasped onto when it comes to all of those things you talked about "God reveals himself in rearview mirrors" I blogged about it over new years ( http://aaronandkristenwindle.blogspot.com/2012/01/in-rearview-mirrors.html ) but just the way I can look back on things in life and hard seasons and see how God was right there with me. Great post!

Meagan @ The Clanahan Fam said...

So loving this today.

Karen said...

You are a strong amazing woman now and always have been. I was there on some of those yesterdays:) - I wouldn't change those days for anything! I enjoy reading about your beautiful family.

Jenn Smith said...

Your momma would be so proud of you! I love hearing and seeing what God is doing in your life--through Preston's story-we saw a TRUE Miracle from God and it has made my walk with the Lord more real! Keep writing--you are truly inspiring and I love your realness!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

what an awesome post. i'm sure your mama is ridiculous proud of who you have become. what a great God we serve!