Wednesday, October 31, 2012

happy halloween.

Hope your day is full of tricks

and plenty of treats.


Friday, October 26, 2012

what's on my mind: on turning thirty-three.

Excited about turning another year older?  Nah. 

Nervous about turning another year older?  Yes, scared out of my mind some days. 

My mother died from a glioblastoma multiforme, which happens to be a very aggressive form of brain cancer, at age 36.  

I'm sure you can do the math, but this birthday means that I'll be just three short (because time just seems to fly now that I have a kid) years away.  In three years, I'll be the same age as she was when she passed.  The same age she was when I saw her in a casket. 

That makes me so sad, scared, and yes, even a little bitter even 20 years later.  Not bitter for me but for her. Bitter because she didn't get to see her children grow up (well, at least not on this Earth).   I can literally feel my heart rate increasing and heart start pounding at the thought of what if I don't get to see Preston grow up. 

My mom's mother also passed at a very young age from melanoma.  My family's medical history is not a stellar one.  I find myself constantly asking and praying that I'll break that trend, and that my sister will break that trend, also. 

These aren't new fears or feelings.  In fact I've had these feelings off and on for a while (disclaimer: yet still lived/live like I'm invincible at times with some degree of irresponsibility)   They're just starting to surface more now that I'm knocking on that door. 

In fact, truth be told that Mr. Gherkin learned of these fears about seven years ago when we met with a financial advisor for the first time.   Mr. FA (financial advisor) was recommending that I put this much money away in a 401k, this much money away in a Roth IRA, and that I put at least this much money into a 529 once I had kids.  

I stopped him mid-sentence with, "I'm not going to put all my money away in retirement funds so that when I'm dead and gone my husband can go tramping around Europe with some other woman on my money."   

Yep, that really happened (hangs head low in shame - but only a little).

The Gherkin's mouth fell open probably in disgust, but Mr. FA didn't flinch as he replied, "That's when you leave your money to your dog in a will." 

I had a lot of explaining to do after that (especially since we were getting married in just a few months after that), but I basically was scared of saving money because, well, you can't take it with you when you go. 

I do put money away in a Roth, a 401k, and a 529 fund by the way.  I've come a long way.  Don't get me wrong, though.  If I want something, I buy it.  See last sentence of last paragraph

I knew I'd feel this way as I progressed through my thirties.  I'm not surprised.  Thirty is not the new twenty for me.  Maybe forty will be.  

I try real hard to stay in the moment, in the here and now, which is quite a task for this type A personality.  I'm trying to me more intentional.   My 31 days series is coming to an end (I posted daily up until yesterday and then just flat out didn't feel like writing anything yesterday).   As I said before I chose this topic of being more intentional so to respond to what I considered little nudges from the holy spirit to live with intent.  It's ironic that the series will end on my birthday.  A birthday that I'm not really looking forward to, but it just so happens that my birthday is a pretty fun day.  A day that I can live and enjoy through the eyes of my son as he plays dinosaur in his costume and trick-or-treats through the neighborhood.

Who of you by worrying can add one single hour to your life? If you can not do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest.
Luke 12:25 NIV

I don't know how many tomorrows I'm promised, but I do get today and I'm going to make today pretty special.   I mean it's not everyday that I get to eat lunch with a dinosaur.  :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

31 days: be intentional -- day 24

Totally just realized that I only have one picture of Preston and his beloved nanny. One picture in the 19 months since she's been a nanny for us.  ONE!  That's sad and I'm going to change that starting right now.  

We consider her part of our little family.  Everyone asks when/if Preston is going to start school soon.  I respond with a speedy NEVER because I don't want to lose our nanny.  Only joking, of course. Well, maybe only a little.

She's been an integral part of Preston's life. He adores her and she adores him.  I want him to be able to look back at pictures one day and recognize his Rosa.

So I snapped a picture of the two of them this morning.  Aren't they cute?
So blessed to have Rosa in our lives, and there will be plenty more pictures of Rosa showing up around here.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

the writing is on the wall.

Man, I've been missing my MawMaw so much lately.  Not missing the frail little lady who was bedridden the last few months of her life, but the strong lady who, no matter how many miles were between us, would chat with me for hours and leave me feeling like she was sitting right here beside me holding my hand.  Missing her to the point that my heart physically hurts.  

After she passed away back in May, I told my aunts that I needed something with her handwriting on it.  I'd seen a photo on pinterest of another blogger who framed handwritten recipes from her grandmother and I fell in love with it. 

My grandmother was not a written recipe kind of person ... she knew her favorites by heart.  She was, however, a business woman running the family business until her stroke, and she had this rolodex that she wrote everything down in.  Everything.  Social security numbers.  Every address her family and friends ever had.  Every phone number.  Even little notes to herself. 

We all knew that was her rolodex.  We didn't dare mess with that thing.  So I asked for a few cards from her rolodex after she passed.  I cherish these.  They're stained with oil from her hands and the paper has aged over the years.   This rolodex, seriously, tells a story.  She rarely threw any of the cards away.  Had to add plenty over the years, but rarely threw any away. 

After months of sitting around in my office, I recently framed a few of my favorites and they're now hanging in my office where I can see them and remember her every day. 

Here's to being intentional about hanging on to our memories.

Monday, October 22, 2012

31 days: be intentional -- day 22

The girls' weekend was perfect!   I've not been away with my girls since before I got pregnant with Preston so it was long overdue.  It was filled with much rest, relaxtion, vino, shopping, and laughter.

Thinking back, I looked forward to this weekend in every possible way but couldn't quite shake the guilt of leaving the hubs and the toddler for a couple of days.  After being pulled a hundred different directions each day, didn't some quality time with girlfriends sound like the most appealing thing ever?  With a little one clamoring for attention daily, it can get exhausting.  Don't get me wrong it feels so good to be loved and so good to be needed, but rest is essential.  Mark 6:31

A little rest and revitalization is healthy especially when it involves surrounding ourselves with women who lift us up.  

We spent most of Saturday at Austin Cake Ball Kitchen and Bakery sipping, toasting, laughing, crying, and eating.   I adored every minute.  In our minds we were the ultimate party animals. Truth is we were all in pjs, horizontal, and asleep by 11 pm both nights (shhh, don't tell a soul).

We brunched on Sunday at Threadgill's Gospel brunch.  I had three heaping plates from the buffet which included a little bit of everything from biscuits and gravy to sweet potato pancakes.   I still feel sick.

Love you gals and thanks for lifting me up this weekend!

Now to get off that 10 pounds I gained this weekend ... 

Friday, October 19, 2012

31 days: be intentional -- days 19, 20 and 21.

I'm away.  I'm intentionally spending time with some of my most favorite girlfriends this weekend.

See you Monday. 


source: unknown

my birthday wish list.

Come Halloween, I'll be thirty-three so I've decided to make a few recommendations share a few things that I would fancy on my 33rd.  I must admit some are lame.  Like let-me-put-on-my-mom-jeans-lame.  At least I've got insight to it.

Here's some things I have my eye on. {{clears throat}} Word up, Mr. Gherkin. {{clears throat}}

A new e-frame in white (my old just one died after five years).  I keep a running slideshow of all my favorite pictures on at all times.

A new hair dryer (via).

This olive wood salt keeper.

I certainly wouldn't mind sipping some OJ from these each morning.

Some more of this stuff because it's the bomb.  I've done my research, and the best price can be found here. I promise it's the real deal.  (image, via)

See these.  Be still my heart. I love the rose gold.  I love the morganite.  Do not even attempt to buy, Gherkin (I'm sure that sentence was completely unnecessary). They're certainly not in the budget ... that's why this is called a wish list.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

and the doctor said.

She said to stop his medication.  You know, the one he's been taking three times a day since he was two days old.  Woohoo!

She said his heart function looks great.  Normal to be exact. Still has some messy looking valves, but they're working and working well.

She said he's growing into his enlarged heart, and that his heart size is much improved. 

She said she'll see us in a year, unless he starts acting differently since stopping his medication.

I'm one excited mommy right now. 

Here's our recap:
Rise and shine and heading out before the sun is up.
He walked in there on his own. Like a boss. We let him walk everywhere, even to the echo room, and I think he felt like he was in control of the situation in a way.  I honestly think that helped soothe his fears because he sat through the echo, no sedation at all, watching Chuggington for all 30 minutes. (really the last 3-4 minutes was a bit chaotic, but who's counting those anyway).
post echo and finally getting some milk and some snacks.
waiting for the cardiologist

Finally, we went to our usual spot.  The spot we went to after every appointment while pregnant with Preston, Hungry's, and this mommy celebrated with some bubbly.  Doctor's orders.  (okay, not really, but I swear she was thinking it). 

She again used the word blessed when she spoke of Preston.  I couldn't agree more. 

He does have some abnormal heart sounds (a click and a widely split S1 and S2 for all my medical friends reading this), but she doesn't anticipate that there will be any complications any time soon and maybe never.  She did say, though, that Preston will need some close attention during his adolescent and teenage years for any kind of funky arrhythmia. 

Until then I won't think about him being an adolescent and will continue to cherish every day being his mommy.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,
Ephesians 3:20

31 days: be intentional -- day 18.

Thanks for the prayers yesterday, and please keep them coming today.  By the time this posts today we'll be with a fasting and hungry toddler in route to TCH.

This.  This is what I'm talking about. 

Loved this devotional. It helped to just solidify that I need to keep reading my Bible, that I need to stay constant in prayer, in church, and keep surrounding myself by women who will continue to lift me up and help me be intentional.

Nothing I can say will make it sound any sweeter.  So go read it here.  I loved reading the comments also.  This one is my absolute favorite.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

calling our prayer warriors.

So it's been almost a year since I last updated you guys on Preston's heart condition because, well, we were released for a year last year.  

We are heading back to Texas Children's tomorrow (Thursday) for a follow up echo and appointment with Preston's cardiologist.  I hope to bring a good report home, so I'm asking for all our prayer warriors to join us in prayer today and tomorrow.

Here are a few specifics we are intentionally praying for:

1.  first of all, PRAISE!  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  Let us just say thanks for the answered prayers so far.  So thankful that we've had 21 months on this earth with this little boy.  We are blessed, and I stand with arms out and heart abandoned this morning with thanksgiving for this little life that I get to influence every day.

2. that we have a successful echo without sedation.  I hate sedating Preston so we'll attempt without sedation first.  We're bringing ammunition aka Dino Dan, Praise Baby, Thomas, and Chuggington dvds.  The goal is that he'll lay there through the echo while mesmerized by one of his favorite dvds.   If that fails, they'll need to sedate him.

3. for a good report just like last year or, miraculously, an even better report.

Please join us in our intentional praying, and as always we covet your prayers. 

We'll update just as soon as we can.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

31 days: be intentional : day 16

The office and work has been blah lately.  Somedays have been just down right terrible. We all have insight to it.  I'm not saying anything here that we don't already know.   I've just had it up to here (points to very top of head, at hairline).  Largely, it's in part to the conversion to electronic medical records and the getting used to a new normal.  Also, an entire office of women can be like throwing a bunch of birds in a cage ... and they'll just peck at each other and all others that come near their cage.

I enjoy what I do, and I admire and care for those I have the pleasure of working with daily.  I also love the clinic I'm at and the patients that I influence each and every day.  I've been praying for some guidance on how to remedy the situation or at least produce a few smiles this week, and so we're having some be intentional moments at the office this week.  I've got a few surprises in the works for my nurses, and the dork inside of me made some motivational posters that I'm going to print and hang around the office. 

Initially, this read 'your mood should not dictate your manners' but that sounded a bit like I was pointing the finger at others. So I changed it to 'our' because Lord knows I'm guilty as charged. 
The right kind of criticism can go a long way. Much further than the empty and ego-stroking criticism.

Hopefully some motivational words, some sweets and a couple of surprises will help brighten the mood around that place this week.  Something's got to give.
Inside is a Leaves candle from BB&W.  If that doesn't make someone smile, then I don't know what will!
Pumpkin bread and muffins.  Supposedly they're weight watchers friendly.  Well, if you ignore all the chocolate chips I put in them!

p.s.  I'm clearly digging the whole chalkboard background these days.  It's a freebie found here.

Monday, October 15, 2012

there's a skeleton in my closet.

Joining my social media/blogger 'friends' and dressed P up in his skeleton pajamas (scored from Old Navy during last year's clearance) tonight.   Truth be told, I washed these pjs daily over the weekend because he wears them nightly. We're certainly making the most of our clearance pjs!

Look, mom, ants!!

It's hard to keep this skeleton still.

Linking up with Meredith and her 31 days series, and consider this my 31 days post for today :)

a garden update.

Our trellis is starting to fill out and look like, well, an actual trellis.

Here's the before with the Mister building our trellis.

We planted a total of six medium sized pots of confederate jasmine.  Here's the day we planted them.

Here's the trellis currently.  Definitely still a work in progress, but I'm surprised how quickly the jasmine grew.  I'm sure it will slow down some during the winter, but I expect it'll bloom well in the spring.  Fingers crossed.  We want to add a water feature in between the two center posts come springtime also.

I recently scored these copper fence posts for less than $5/cap.  The site says they're true copper as opposed to cooper plated.  I hope that proves true because I'd like them to patina over time. For four dollars and some change for each, I decided I could afford to just see for myself.