Monday, September 23, 2013

What's on my mind.

Saturday was a very rough mommy/toddler day, during which at one point I just got in the car and left after he told me to go away for the 118th time, leaving him with his daddy for his daddy to deal with it.  I was losing my cool and I really hate it for him to see me lose my cool. Plus we desperately needed trash bags so off to Target I went. 

Not sure if it's school, he senses that Hadley is coming, or the fact that I cut the tip of his paci ever so slightly in hopes of getting rid of that thing soon, but Preston is in full regression mode.  It does exist.  It is a real thing. 

Later on Saturday, the hubs could sense I was at my limit and arranged for some sweet friends to watch him while we grabbed a quick dinner at one of my favorite restaurants.  Alone.  Outside.  On a patio.  Hello, fall

Then that night, Preston slept through the night in his own bed for the first time in weeks. He must've heard our conversation about shipping him off to boarding school during dinner.  I only kid

Then Sunday at church our pastor said this.  "We shouldn't reproduce.  We should produce."  Our goal should not be for our kids to be just like us (although sadly, they all too often pick up our bad), but our goal should be for our kids to be better than us.  More productive than us. 

During the sermon, I thought about the day before.  I felt guilty for losing my cool.  I felt guilty for leaving.  The hubs rarely loses his cool.  He has such a strange sense of calmness and peace that sometimes I wonder if he's really human.  I, on the other hand, am a very passionate person, consumed with strong feelings and strong beliefs --- it's the scorpio in me.  

I realized during the sermon in order for us to produce and not reproduce we should hope that Preston and Hadley get the good from the hubs and get the good from me.  We're not perfect, and that's the glory of being in this together and being a team in this whole parenting thing.  

I slowly started to feel less and less guilty about removing myself from the situation before I lost my marbles anymore.  Really there wasn't any reason to feel guilty, I did leave my son in the care of my calm husband who rarely seems to spill his marbles.  In leaving perhaps I just prevented my son's reproduction of my anger and allowed for the production of husband's calm and gentle nature

Who knows if it's right or wrong?  There's a whole lot of grey area when it comes to parenting, and these trying twos and this regression has made it very difficult for me to wear my mommy halo lately.  I only kid about the mommy halo part.  :)

Our pastor also shared this poem from the early 1900s.  I absolutely love it for a few different reasons.  I like the perspective of us being the bow and our kids being the arrow. Instead of hindering him or holding him back (I have some helicopter parenting tendencies) I should do what I can to make his arrow flies straight and far.  Then secondly I love that the author reminds us that God loves us just as He loves our kiddos.


klb said...

When things to get a point, you and Preston need a time-out from each other. It is a power struggle and both of you are determined to win. I think it is best to remove yourself from the situation before it gets to bad. Tony is capable of handling him better than you think he can. PICK your BATTLES. love you, KK

Jules said...

I think this is my favorite post that you have every done. Most likely because I can relate to it so much right now. Ryan is always so calm... I on the other hand lose my cool all.the.time. It's okay for Mommy's to have a time out too. Good job on recognizing that you needed it!
Bennett definitely regressed right before we had Claire. Big time! He wanted Ryan over me 9 times out of 10 when it was usually the other way around. I really thinmk they can sense that something BIG is about to happen! So, don't be so hard on yourself.
You are such a good Mama and P and T are lucky to have you ( and Miss Hadley too :)

Meagan @ The Clanahan Fam said...

Oh honey. We are all entitled to a time out - and so much better to leave than to lash out. I need to be better at that --- I tend to lash out before thinking & removing myself --- then I find myself apologizing to my 3 year old (not a bad thing, it's probably the most humbling thing in the world to say "Mommy's sorry" to a toddler). Hang in there. (And my husband is a total LIBRA. Calm to the core, rolls with the punches. If I didn't love him, my bullish Aries would find it massively annoying ;) ) xoxo

The Fields Family said...

We had a weekend like this, too. P just would not listen, and it felt like it was taking forever to do simple things we always do. He just fought us on everything. Last night, I went to Target and Babies R Us to pick up a couple last minute baby things, but secretly, I really just wanted an hour to myself. We ended up having to put P in time out before bed last night because he hit my husband. He NEVER does that. I don't know what the deal is, but we are really praying for patience these days. I am hoping it is just a phase. I am sharing this to let you know you are not alone and I think pregnancy steals some of our rational thinking in terms of being able to calm ourselves like we usually can. You're not alone!

Breann Nash said...

I am sad I missed that sermon because last weeks didn't connect with me at all and this one would have.
We just got back from traveling with Logan and I lost my marbles up and down the street when he started hitting me.

averyswifeliz said...

I think your pastor (& you) are right, you shouldn't feel guilt over walking away. Personally I think you just showed him a good example of how to act.

Ps. My husband & I are like ya'll. My hubby rarely loses his cool and I have the harder time at it. Glad we're not the only couple like that. :)

Happiness Is... said...

Just another reason we'd be friends IRL. I lose it all the time. I actually think the sign of a good parent is one who can remove themselves and do the so called baton pass. T was nuts for a little while right before and after Hadley, but hang in there!

Andie said...

I often have moments like that where I just need to walk away and get a time out for myself.

My husband is pretty cool and calm too and I will often dissent to him to handle the situation when I can't anymore.

Hang in there! We've all been there!

Emily said...

Love this post! Some days are just plain tough! Thanks for sharing, all Momma's have been here and sharing makes us all feel "human" :)

Cajun Cowgirl said...

What a wonderful post for parents of toddlers. Thank you for sharing and inspiring us to step away when we can and thus being proactive instead of reactive.