Saturday was a very rough mommy/toddler day, during which at one point I just got in the car and left after he told me to go away for the 118th time, leaving him with his daddy for his daddy to deal with it. I was losing my cool and I really hate it for him to see me lose my cool. Plus we desperately needed trash bags so off to Target I went.
Not sure if it's school, he senses that Hadley is coming, or the fact that I cut the tip of his paci ever so slightly in hopes of getting rid of that thing soon, but Preston is in full regression mode. It does exist. It is a real thing.
Later on Saturday, the hubs could sense I was at my limit and arranged for some sweet friends to watch him while we grabbed a quick dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. Alone. Outside. On a patio. Hello, fall.
Then that night, Preston slept through the night in his own bed for the first time in weeks. He must've heard our conversation about shipping him off to boarding school during dinner. I only kid.
Then Sunday at church our pastor said this. "We shouldn't reproduce. We should produce." Our goal should not be for our kids to be just like us (although sadly, they all too often pick up our bad), but our goal should be for our kids to be better than us. More productive than us.
During the sermon, I thought about the day before. I felt guilty for losing my cool. I felt guilty for leaving. The hubs rarely loses his cool. He has such a strange sense of calmness and peace that sometimes I wonder if he's really human. I, on the other hand, am a very passionate person, consumed with strong feelings and strong beliefs --- it's the scorpio in me.
I realized during the sermon in order for us to produce and not reproduce we should hope that Preston and Hadley get the good from the hubs and get the good from me. We're not perfect, and that's the glory of being in this together and being a team in this whole parenting thing.
I slowly started to feel less and less guilty about removing myself from the situation before I lost my marbles anymore. Really there wasn't any reason to feel guilty, I did leave my son in the care of my calm husband who rarely seems to spill his marbles. In leaving perhaps I just prevented my son's reproduction of my anger and allowed for the production of husband's calm and gentle nature.
Who knows if it's right or wrong? There's a whole lot of grey area when it comes to parenting, and these trying twos and this regression has made it very difficult for me to wear my mommy halo lately. I only kid about the mommy halo part. :)
Our pastor also shared this poem from the early 1900s. I absolutely love it for a few different reasons. I like the perspective of us being the bow and our kids being the arrow. Instead of hindering him or holding him back (I have some helicopter parenting tendencies) I should do what I can to make his arrow flies straight and far. Then secondly I love that the author reminds us that God loves us just as He loves our kiddos.